Surrendering is typically viewed as a sign of defeat, a mark of failure, and a showing of weakness. But one must be willing to surrender – again and again – to stop unnecessary suffering, move forward, and lead an awakened life.
Here are 5 quick tips on surrendering:
1. Redefine surrender. In war, the term surrender means giving up power to another upon demand or defeat. It’s no wonder it has negative connotations in everyday challenges and disputes. But what if surrender means gracefully facing the inevitable, avoiding undue harm, repairing damage, finding closure, and dropping a cause that is no longer worth struggling for? Consider the many ways surrender can be an empowering choice before you dismiss it as an option for losers only.
2. Choose your battles wisely. Stand up for yourself. Resist attacks. Stay true to your values. Don’t ever be a doormat. Just be prepared for backlash when you start meddling in someone else’s business, instead of minding your own. You can’t force others to change so they don’t bug you anymore. Surrender involves quitting an action that’s not working, getting comfortable with discomfort, letting go bit by bit of the things you don’t control, and staying open to a myriad of possibilities.
3. Notice when you are in resistance mode. Pay attention to how resistance manifests in your body. Clenched fists? Jaw tension? Stiff neck? Shallow breathing? Taking stock of what resistance feels like to you will help you determine when and where surrender is needed.
4. Release the toxic thoughts that arise when you surrender. If you were taught to fight for what you want and to make things happen, it’s natural to think less of yourself when you allow events to unfold naturally. While deliberate effort is healthy, the need to control the results is rooted in fear. Surrendering, in fact, requires strong acts of courage. Once you acknowledge this as a basic truth, your thoughts about it will start to shift.
5. Realize that surrender can be a good thing, even when it doesn’t feel good.Despite what self-help gurus or spiritual circles might say, surrendering doesn’t always feel freeing, peaceful and blissful. It can often feel painful, terrifying and maddening. But after the sadness, rage or disappointment from relinquishment settles, you can make use of the new space, time and energy to engage in more fruitful activity. Trust the process. Trust your decision to move through it.
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Photo by: Rodger Evans